IN RELATIONSHIPS, 'FUTURE FAKING' BUILDS A FAIRY TALE THAT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

In relationships, 'future faking' builds a fairy tale that's too good to be true

You've just started a relationship and everything is going swimmingly. Your partner even goes so far as to plan future projects with you, such as travel, a wedding or even having children. Then, one day, there's no news, and you find yourself ghosted overnight. You may have been a victim of "future faking."

"Future faking" is a form of manipulation that usually happens in the early stages of relationships.

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Future faking "is a bonding technique used in romantic relationships where a detailed vision of the future is outlined in order to expedite connection," therapist Kara Kays tellsMen's Health. Once the partner is on board, the person adopts problematic behaviors and becomes distant, leaving the other in relationship limbo.

This technique is generally used at the start of a relationship, and is often practiced by narcissistic people. Narcissism is a personality disorder that typically makes people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a feeling of superiority that can lead them to put others down in order to build themselves up. In love, it's not uncommon for these individuals to adopt strategies to manipulate their partners. When they enter a new relationship, their attitude is beyond reproach. They might shower you with gifts, show unrivaled affection, and promise you the world with a future full of dreams.

"Future faking" can make you feel like you're living a fairy tale. But the narcissist will quickly show their true colors. At first, they'll stop investing in the relationship, and then you'll realize that they won't keep any of their promises. "Projects recede like the horizon and are put off endlessly to continue to maintain the dream, interspersed with appalling moments of harassment or denigration," explains psychotherapist and author Anne Clotilde Ziégler, speaking toCosmopolitan France. As a result, you find yourself confused, manipulated and emotionally wounded.

So why are narcissistic people so keen on pretending to plan for the future? Faking the future is "a form of manipulation, and it’s keeping you hooked in by making the kinds of future promises you want to hear," clinical psychologist and author, Ramani Durvasula, tells Men’s Health. The aim is to instill in the victim the belief that things will change or improve in the future. These visions of the future "may include wanting to have a family with you someday, and they may say things about wanting to get married someday, and buy a house together, someday," continues Durvasula. That's why it's important to be vigilant when your partner starts looking ahead very quickly at the beginning of a relationship.

But how can you spot the signs? "It's very difficult," says Anne Clotilde Ziégler. "In a controlling relationship, the first sign is love bombing: the narcissist showers you with glowing compliments," she says. And it can be hard to take a step back from that when you're experiencing it because, as the expert says: "when someone thinks you're wonderful, it's really nice." That's why it's important, at the start of a new relationship, to get to know your partner before making a commitment. If you suspect someone is using this tactic, distance yourself quickly and communicate your respective intentions clearly before committing to any kind of romantic relationship.

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2024-07-01T14:02:35Z dg43tfdfdgfd